11 Long Years

Today marks the 11th year since my mother passed away. For all these years, I could only count to my fingers the times I have visited her, even today I didn't go and pay her a visit. It's not that I don't remember her anymore but the main reason why I hate to go there is because I hate to face the fact that she's already gone. Even when I dream of her, she's very much alive just like what she was 11 years ago.


When you ask me what I miss about her its the time when we, together with my brother, watch our favorite T.V shows. We all cry and laugh together. I miss eating her delicious macaroni salad. I miss the times when we have our long conversation over  lunch. I miss the times when we eat those stuffs my father told us to avoid (bulad, cakes, coke,etc} because of her high blood pressure.

Yes, there were times of misunderstanding because of a lot of things. Top of the list, she's conservative and I'm not. She sees things differently making me feel that I'm not doing any good at all. She believes that I don't have the right to speak up, making it hard for me to defend my self especially when I know that what she thought of me is not true. But as a whole, she's my number one defender. She defends me from those people who don't have anything to do but talks about me behind my back and a lot of times, defends me ( and my brother ) from my father. She believes in my talents and abilities, she always pushed me  to do better academically and never fails to remind me of things that I needed to bear in mind.

Ma, thanks for all those times you showered us with your love and care. Thanks for the lessons in life that you shared with me. I may have learned some of them the hard way but it's all because of the stubborn "me"and not because you forgot to remind me. Sorry for those times when you find it difficult to understand and handle me. How I wish you are still here today, so that I would have someone who will tell me what I should do when difficult times of my life strikes, or someone to pat my back and compliments me when I did something good.

I truly miss you Ma, and I love you.....